Cook's Treat Chicken

Directions

Stuffing: Toast the oatmeal bread about medium brown.

When it pops up, let it sit in the toaster for a few minutes to dry out.

Chop the scallions into pieces about ¼ to ½-inch long.

Slice the button mushrooms or cut them into quarters if they're small.

Chop the parsley roughly. Cut the dried toast into pices about ½ inch square.

Put all these goodies into a large mixing bowl, add the eggs and mix well.

Salt the stuffing to taste. Use pepper too if you like it.

At this point I reserve some of the stuffing, maybe a quarter or a third, and add the chopped giblets to it as I find that a lot of folks don't like them in the stuffing, hard as that may be to grasp.

But it works out good for me, as you'll see.

After the chicken is washed and dried, stuff the critter with the stuffing from the non-gibletted bowl.

I've heard that it's considered good form to stuff it loosely to allow for expansion.

Don't listen to these lies.

Stuff that sucker full! Heat the oven to between 350℉ (180℃) and 400℉ (200℃).

Rub the chicken with butter and salt it.

Put the stuffed chicken, breast side up, on a roasting rack in a pan of some sort with sides about an inch or so high, a big pyrex cake pan works well.

I use one of those racks with the adjustable sides to hold the bird in place though anything will work except a vertical roaster.

Now here's where the sly part comes in.

Have a fork or a pair of chopsticks handy.

I recommend chopsticks if you can use them.

You'll see why in a minute.

Take the gibletted dressing and pack it all over the surface of the chicken, patting it into place.

Put the neck where you can reach it to baste it.

Dot the stuffing generously with pats of butter.

(This ain't health food.) Put the bird into the oven and close the door.

Don't look for about fifteen minutes or so.

Chat. Entertain your guests. Pour them some more wine.

After fifteen minutes you, as the cook, will be ready to begin one of the best meals of your life while your guests sit unsuspecting, waiting for the bird to be done.

When the time has elapsed, start basting with a bulb baster.

Do this regularly and religiously every five to ten minutes or so.

Salt occasionally. The stuffing and giblets on top of the chicken will start to brown as you baste it with the flavor laden combo of butter and chicken juices.

The toast bits will get crispy.

The scallions will add their luscious juices to the basting liquid.

The mushrooms will steam and beckon.

Soon you'll be picking off the browner bits and savoring them.

Each time you open the oven, a new selection of bits will be ready for your delectation! Try to look harried and pained so your guests won't know how much fun you're having.

Give them some more wine to keep them quite.

Have a little yourself.

Maybe serve a salad or something.

If any of them get suspicious, tell them you're adjusting the seasonings.

That should throw them off the track enough that none of them will be tempted to help you with that arduous task.

As you gradually clear the stuffing off the surface of the chicken the skin will begin to brown too.

Keep basting! The chopsticks come in real handy now for retrieving the bits of mushrooms, giblets and whatever that fall down under the rack.

They can get in where it's hard to get a fork.

The dish is done when all the stuffing coating the outside of the bird is in your stomach and the skin has turned a nice, crispy, savory golden brown.

Take the chicken out, put it on the serving platter and de-stuff it.

Serve with rolls, salads, veggies, mashed taters and gravy (made of course, with instant mashed potatoes), whatever your guests like or whatever strikes your fancy.