Very Best Monkeyed-Up Lobster Dish

Directions

Very best lobster dish: Steam 1 big lobster per person over sea water.

The really big ones (2+ lb.) aren't done as soon as they turn red - let them cook a couple more minutes beyond that; little lobsters are ready as soon as they turn red.

Have an assistant remove the claw meat (keep whole) and whatever knuckle meat and roe (s)he can find while you take the tails and either (depending on their size) halve them lengthwise or cut them through the shell into slices.

Heat a big knob of butter in a big saucepan and toss the tail pieces in the hot butter for a minute.

Remove the tails to a hot platter.

Dump the shallots and mushrooms in the same butter and toss for a minute; then remove them to the same platter.

While the butter is still hot, add white wine and bourbon (Cognac will do); let cook down for 15 secs or so and then add cream, slowly and keeping the heat high.

While your assistant arranges the tails on individual plates, with the claws and maybe some watercress or parsley as garnish, keep an eye on the sauce as it thickens.

When the sauce is thick, add a little salt if you need it and dump in the onions, mushrooms, roe, and knuckle meat.

Pour sauce over lobster tails and serve at once.

Save the tomalley for: Tomalley croustades.

Fry rounds from a baguette or other very thin loaf in butter until they just begin to turn golden.

Drain on paper towels.

When they are cool, spread them with lobster tomalley mixed with heavy cream to make a thick paste.

You may grate a tiny bit of Gruyere or other Swiss-style cheese over each one.

Put under the broiler for a few seconds until the tops bubble.