Mother Murphy's Dietetic Pizza

Despite the tongue-in-cheek name, this homemade pizza is unapologetic comfort food built on a boxed crust mix and topped the old-fashioned way. The crust mix is the kind of shortcut that makes weeknight pizza possible when you do not want to mess with yeast and a long dough development.

Two cheeses do the melt. Mozzarella handles the pull and stretch, cheddar adds a sharp bite behind the mild, and the two together melt into a blanket richer than mozzarella alone. Provolone works too if you prefer, but it is not traditional on American pies.

Toppings are classic diner-style: canned spaghetti sauce spread thin with a fork, salami laid close and slightly overlapping, canned mushrooms and broken black olives scattered on top. Bake until the cheese bubbles and the crust edges turn golden. Slice into squares or wedges and serve with a side salad to balance the richness.

Kitchen Tips

• Follow the box crust directions, but let the dough rest the full 5 minutes. That rest relaxes the gluten so the crust rolls thin without fighting back.
• Spread the sauce thinly. Too much sauce turns the crust gummy underneath.
• Drain canned mushrooms and olives well. Excess liquid steams the top of the pizza and keeps it from browning.
• Start the cheese with mozzarella, then sprinkle cheddar on top. This lets the cheddar develop that golden-brown spotting.
• Bake directly on a preheated pizza stone or cast iron pan for a crispier bottom crust.

Variations

• Swap salami for pepperoni, cooked Italian sausage, or thin-sliced ham.
• Add sliced red onion, bell pepper strips, or pepperoncini for extra vegetable crunch.
• Sprinkle dried oregano, red pepper flakes, or a drizzle of garlic oil on the finished pizza for a final flavor boost.